Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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