And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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