Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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