Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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