had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
