My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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