Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
