Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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