So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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