I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
