party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
