Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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