Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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