Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
