She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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