been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
