Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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