Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize