So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
