The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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