So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
