I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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