Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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