I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
