I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
