wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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