Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
