Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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