I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
