Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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