yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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