I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Couch. On fire.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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