Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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