so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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