The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
