He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
