New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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