Where is the hickey?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
