i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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