Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
