who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
