so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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