i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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