I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
