She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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