What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
