eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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