Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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