I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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