and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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