Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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