I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
