so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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