Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
