Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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