A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
