evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
