I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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