Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
