Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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