I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
