lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
