remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
