when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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