chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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