He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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