she was so not down for the gang bang
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
