Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
