i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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