Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
