yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
