Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
