I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize