I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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