well you can't waste a boner
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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