He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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